put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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