Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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