He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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