I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
These tits shall not be calmed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
