I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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