he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
