I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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