Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
