I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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