apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
