he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize