Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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