:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
