I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
