She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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