Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
