i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
