Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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