I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize