i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
