I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
