I only kidnapped one of them. chill
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
