Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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