spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
