woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
