And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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