Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
