1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
