Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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