My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
