Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
