That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
