Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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