Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
