Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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