you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize