I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
