Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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