dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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