Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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