fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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