glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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