btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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