Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
