I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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