omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
