please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
