I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
