Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
