I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
