his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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