i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
