Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
