saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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