you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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