my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
