No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize