who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mom said you looked used
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
