I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
