she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
