i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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