he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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