would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
