Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
