If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
